What You Think Matters The Most

What You Think Matters

We are bombarded with them every day... no, not x-rays from space (although it's a possibility) but with the... opinions of others. And many times these opinions are unsolicited and from people that may not have our best interest at heart.

So how do you know which ones to pay attention to and which ones to drop like the proverbial "hot potato" Well, there are a few so lets review them, shall we? Then we can see what might work for you.

First, I would consider WHO is giving me advice and WHAT they are giving me advice about.

Linda in accounting may corner you by the water cooler (do they still have those) and begin to lecture you about your new boyfriend. You stand there, like a deer in headlights while she rattles off a rather long list as to why this guy is well, just not right for you. And you know what... she could be right but Linda has never been able to keep a relationship going for more than two months. She also barges into every conversation at the office that she can... and then proceeds to give advice to those people, too. Linda freely gives advice on a myriad of topics but curiously, her own life seems to be in shambles. Last week, she told Gary in human resources that his realtor should have negotiated a better deal on his new house, and then proceeded to give him all kinds of advice on how to remodel it. Linda has always lived in a furnished apartment and has never owned a home. She told Diane that she paid too much for her new car; but Linda has never even owned a car... she takes the bus or walks where she wants to go.

Now, if your best friend Mary (who has been happily married for ten years) speaks to you about your new boyfriend you might want to listen. Not only is she your good friend but she is in a successful relationship and wants yours to be successful as well.

An opinion offered here would be of true value. But again, here's the key... does it feel right to you? Does it resonate with you? If it makes sense then listen to it. But if it doesn't... then thank the person for their input and then politely either change the subject or walk away.

Many times, we want to be "people pleasers" We take advice from people solely because we want them to like us. We want to be popular. We want to "go with the flow."
It is something that can be deeply ingrained in us.

I remember when I was a little kid, about five or six. My best friend and I went to the local soda fountain. We climbed up on those stools (our parents were right there watching us) and spun around a few times laughing. Then we did the "big girl" thing and ordered something to drink. I ordered orange soda. My friend ordered grape. She then turned to me and said something to the effect that only "cool kids" drank grape soda and the others drank orange. Wanting to be a "cool kid" (now how cool could a five year old really be anyway?) I changed my order to grape. I don't even like grape soda.

But I remember wanting her to like me, and if that meant pushing aside what I wanted then so be it. I would be cool. I would be liked.

And I continued to do that for a good part of my life. Whatever movie somebody else wanted to see... that's what I saw. Whatever clothes somebody else said I should wear... that's what I wore... even if I hated it.

I was losing my own identity. I didn't trust myself to make my own decisions and stick with them.

Now, you might say this stuff is trivial... and you're right it is. But once you start this pattern it's hard to break. Maybe it's no longer a soda but your decision on a new career. Maybe it's no longer a sweater but now you're listening on an opinion of who you should choose for a life partner.

And now, it's time to break free from that pattern. Now it's time to break free and "trust your gut" and get in touch with your feelings.

How do you feel? Did what this person say make sense to you? Can you see yourself following this person's advice? Does it make you feel comfortable, just like one of those "ah ha!" moments when you know that this is it... that this is right for you.

If so, then maybe you do need to change direction.

But if what was said to you makes you feel uncomfortable, if it makes no sense to you and you really can't see how this change can fit in your life, then leave it there. And if you know the person offering you their opinion often does so out of meanness or jealousy... then leave it there and run... you don't need this person as a friend

Johnny is involved in a new multi level marketing business. He is thrilled with it and very enthusiastic and the company seems reputable. Johnny also uses the products this company produces and he loves them, and Johnny also has the type of personality that makes him a successful multilevel marketer.

You however are on the shy side, and you already have a full plate what with work and some on-line classes. You may not be the type of person who gravitates toward such marketing opportunities, but Johnny talks you into attending a meeting. You are reluctant but you go anyway... you want Johnny to like you. And now you are talked into buying into a business that you really have no interest in or time for...

And now Johnny is in your office several times a day asking you why you haven't signed up any people under you. And now you've just lost a few hundred dollars. And why... because you didn't listen to that little voice inside of you that said "don't do it" You listened to the opinion of somebody else.

Now, there's nothing wrong with multilevel marketing but you have to genuinely be interested in that type of thing to be successful at it. If you're only along for the ride, if you're only doing it so people will "like" you, then your ride will be very rough indeed.

Trust yourself. Start today. Be pleasant, be polite, but let the next person that tells you "why not do it this way?" that you like your way just fine.

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